Bumps in the Road

So with my surgery scheduled for mid-November I was excited and ready to go.  I continued support group meetings, kept up with research, and just kept talking to people to prepare myself. 

Then one day I got a phone call from the head nurse of surgery.  They had to cancel on the original date and reschedule it for the 26th of November.  I was concerned because I was supposed to go on a family vacation to Disney in mid December and I didn't want to have that interrupted (it was in the works for a long time).  I was assured by both the surgery team and my support group that that far along after surgery I would feel fine traveling.  So, okay, no worries. 

About 3 days after that I get a phone call again from the head nurse.  She informed me that upon review of my psych evaluation that I had bi-polar disorder (SHOCK! WHAT?!?!?  *eyeroll*)  I informed her that I was aware, I was diagnosed with it more than half my life ago at 14 or 15 and had been under treatment since and am well managed and my psychiatrist approved of the surgery and felt I was going to do great with it.  She pretty much gave me a "tough shit" and I was denied surgery.  My options were to go off post and have the bypass or the lap band or try to get Walter Reed Medical Center, 2 hours away in San Antonio, to perform the surgery. 

My first reaction was to throw shit around the house and scream bloody murder at the phone.  Then I got on the phone to Walter Reed and talked to their surgery center.  I was told if I wanted the surgery there I had to begin the entire process over again from the very beginning with getting a referral from one of THEIR doctors, then the seminar THERE, etc. etc.  Which meant driving to San Antonio back and forth being a one car family.  She said that even then, there was no guarantee THEIR psychologist would approve me OR their medical team would then approve me because of the bi-polar. 

I was so defeated.  It always seems as if I'm judged because of this thing I have no control over.  I was born with it.  It's a chemical imbalance, I can't stop me from being bi-polar anymore than someone with freckles can stop having freckles.  I have faithfully been in treatment for my disorder.  Especially so over the last 6 years.  I have seen 1-2 psychologists at a time at the very least once a month.  I have been on medication consistently for 6 years, always keeping all appointments and always calling when they started to seem off and needed adjusted.