Slicin' and Pukein'

I don't remember anything during the surgery...which is a damn good thing since I'm not supposed to and all.  My husband will have to fill in all the details on length of surgery, recovery, etc.  It'll be a while for that since he's in Korea right now without internet. 

I woke up and the first thing I remember thinking was "Is it done?  Did he really do the surgery?  Is my stomach really smaller?"  For some reason I had a hard time really believing the surgery was done. 

I was in SOOO much pain and I was so nauseous.  All I did in the beginning (or at least all I remember doing) was puking...constantly, and sleeping until I had to puke again or my pain meds wore off.  It was seriously some of the worst pain ever.  They put me on Phenergan which helps the puking, but it makes me so sleepy.  The second biggest problem was my blood oxygen levels kept dropping so they were putting me on oxygen.  It was because of this that I was placed immediately into the ICU.  It wasn't until I was slightly coherent that I was able to yell (hahaha, hardly...my husband yelled, I mumbled at him in a frustrated voice and fell back asleep) at them about not putting me on my CPAP and oxygen when I was in recovery like my pulmonologist and I told them was necessary, a million times, and even face then my cpap before going into the room.  Amazingly, once my CPAP was in place I didn't have O2 problems!  Wow!  Go Army! 

The other problem I had that was the most annoying and aggravating thing possible was the dry mouth.  This was only made worse by the snoring and the stopping breathing because I was not on the CPAP.  If there was EVER motivation for me to get out of that bed and strangle someone it was due to them not letting me just swish my mouth out.  It was misery.  One nurse gave me this disgusting thing to suck on (God it was nasty) that was supposed to help, but it just made me throw up more.  The night nurse was kind enough to give me a glass of ice (under the STRICT supervision and possession of my husband) and a little sponge thing on a stick so I could kind of scrub it around my mouth so it wasn't SO nasty in there.  The reason they don't want you drinking is they need to wait for you Barium Swallow test in order to ensure that there are no leaks and everything is going down the right way.  I understood completely, but honest!!!  I would have just swished and spit!!!  I wasn't thirsty, I was just miserable with the dry mouth!! 

The pain was excruciating for me.  I hit my button every chance I got and they ended up having to give me shots of Dilaudid intermittently in order to help control the pain.  All I did the first week or so was regret EVER going through with the surgery.  When I was coherent I just remember thinking, "Is there anyway for them to put it back?!"  "Why did I do this"  "This was the worst decision ever"  "What was I ever thinking!?" "BLECH" (that was me puking all over the poor night nurse...I think I ended up giving him a bit of PTSD, the second night he came on shift he walked into my already armed with Phenergan, a puke bucket, and a change of clothes and sheets.  Poor Captain Nurse :(  )

Preparations commence

I had taken pictures the night before surgery and measurements of my body to help me recognize the loss.  It really helps.  Sometimes the scale doesn't move...but your pants button does.  Sometimes neither move, but you'd sure as hell be surprised to see the numbers of how much your neck shrunk.  This is me the morning of surgery.

 

 

January 2, 2014 - Time to slice!

I arrived at the hospital early in the morning, I was to be the first surgery of the day.  I was so nervous!  I had a lot of love and support, but hubster still did NOT want me to have the surgery.  He was so worried about the side effects, he was fearful of me going under the knife, he just didn't want anything bad to happen to me.  The thing was, although he was going through all my illnesses along side me and they drastically affected his life (I can't even tell you how many times "forgetting my insulin" or "SHIT!!! LOW SUGAR!!!" happened) the fact of the matter is...HE wasn't giving himself 5 (or more) shots a day, he wasn't doing the balancing and maintaining, he wasn't sleeping with a mask on his face and a huge oxygen machine (he just had to lug it around.)  I'm lucky to have my amazing hubby...despite how he felt, he knew how bad *I* wanted this.  He came to every meeting I asked him to be at,  he researched info and talked to people with me, and like always, he was there by myself holding my hand and supporting me.  Support is HUGE.  FIND IT!!!  No matter where you may find it...you are GOING to need it!!!  Oh, and something I forgot in the last post...do NOT flip out after a bathroom visit if you've eaten nothing but red JELLO and liquids for a few days like I did.  Hubby was NOT supportive of that LMAO.  In fact I think the conversation went a little like this :  
Me: RICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!! COME HERE!!!!!!!
(Rick rushes into the potty room)
Rick: What's wrong, what can I do?
Me: I'm bleeding!!!!!!!!!!!!!  LOOK!!!!!
Rick:  Uh...No.  That's where I draw the line.  (turns to walk away)
Me: SERIOUSLY!! I could be dying!!! 
(Rick rolls his eyes and keeps walking away abandoning me to pass into my eternal sleep ALL ALONE!!! - JERK!)
(Aidan walks by in the hallway)
Aidan:  Mom, can I have some of this JELLO?
Me: NO!!  I can only eat certain things and you will NOT be stealing one of the ONLY things I CAN eat...and raspberry JELLO is my favorite flavor!
Rick:  (quizzical look) How much of that have you eaten today?
Me: 2 boxes, why?................................................................................................Oh.......
(Rick walks away shaking is head and muttering under his breath about what he got into when he married me and giving him ulcers or something....to be fair, BOTH my parents warned him!) 

So we get to the hospital.  My nerves vanished as soon as I walked in the door.  The nurse who walked up to the desk was a friend of mine I hadn't seen in a long while!  We met because our boys were in cub scouts together for a few years.  Seeing her made everything so very much easier!  I got to focus on catching up with her rather than what I was about to do.

Rick and I were shoved into a storage room for broken medical equipment (Go Army!) where I could change and sit around for a bit waiting for everything to get prepared.  There were a few others there also having WLS surgery.  (Word of advice, when heading to surgery - ANY surgery - do NOT take it as a chance to have a family reunion!!  It's annoying to everyone involved.  Bring your 1 special person and leave the rest to visit later. One woman brought damn near 14 people with her!!  The nurse that led us to the elevators to the OR was seriously frustrated, and it was disrespectful to all of us going up...it's rather a kinda private moment when you are in a gown, ass on display to the world, nerves shot about to go under the knife)

Storage Rooms are Cool!

We arrived up to the Operating Room floor.  You want to talk about chaos...this was it.  They were in the middle of a training, it was the first day back after Christmas and New Year holiday after all, but still...it did NOT help my anxiety any to have 60 people gathered around in one small room, lots of noise, lots of in and out and all around...I was not doing well at this point. 

They got in settled into a corner and drew the curtain.  Way no bueno.  There were 5 other people having surgery that morning.  If you'd have asked I could tell you all of their names, date of birth, and what they were there for.  So not practicing of patients privacy.  It really pissed me off.  The nurse who was going to be with me was an absolute peach.  Her name was Stacey and she did SO much to calm me down! 

Eventually, I had seen the happy juice doc, my surgeon, and the doc who would be assisting.  It was time to go...

Okay, NOW it begins...

December 25, 2013 - My last day of eating like a normal person.  Worse...my last day of Diet Coke ever.  This is a big fucking deal.  I was a diet coke ADDICT.  Looking back, it actually is really shameful to see just HOW bad I was chained to the can.  I had my last can at about 11pm.  ALMOST had juuuust one more, but everyone yelled at me to just give it a rest already.  Stupid people.  Harumph.
 

December 26, 2013 - Day 1 of HELL.  I mean the Liquid Diet.  I was to be in Hel---on a Liquid Diet for 1 week.  I got a bit lucky over that because depending on the facility, it could have been worse.  Every Doctor and Hospital is different.  I was allowed Jello, sugar free popsicles, Broth, Water, Protein Drinks, and Sugar Free things (like Crystal light)  Oh...not bad you say?  Nu-uh.  Not ONLY was it an all liquid diet, but I HAD to eat 70g of protein a day AND wasn't allowed to eat more than 45 carbs a day.  (Typically, it's 35 carbs, but because of the severity of my diabetes they gave me 10 more a day...whoopie - yes that's sarcasm)  You'd be surprised how carb heavy food is, even if you don't think it is.  Take a look at your nutrition labels sometime, you'll see what I mean.  Even healthy things, like my protein shakes for example, can be packed with carbs if you pick the wrong ones!!  Carbs = no bueno.
 

I started off with a bang.  I was dedicated.  I was determined.  I did EVERYTHING right.  Then, that afternoon I went to my psychologist appt.  Half way through the appt I noticed my speech start slurring, things were getting dizzy, I was confused, and it was very clammy.  I stood up to leave and ran into the walls and was walking like I was drunk.  I got to the reception desk as fast as I could and she looked up at me with an odd face.  I just blurted out..."diabetic!! low blood sugar!!!".  She sprang into action throwing every piece of sugar she and her fellow receptionist had behind the desk until my head stopped spinning.  I sat for a bit until I knew I could walk straight and then I slowly walked to the car and got out my meter.  My sugars (after the new trick or treat hack I just found) were at 17.  I drove (which I probably shouldn't have at that point) to the nearest food place right around the corner and had a kids meal.  I had no other choice, I was already feeling dizzy and woozy and confused again.  I was terrified I was going to pass out, and I was out all alone.

I immediately changed my insulin routine and checked my blood sugar every half hour to be sure.  I also cheated a bit and went ahead and had regular jello instead of sugar free just to make sure I would be balanced through the night.
 

December 27, 2013 - The morning of all my pre-op stuffs and meeting with my surgeon.  (Day 2 of liquids aka "The day my husband started wishing he was under 48" So he wouldn't be forced to ride the oncoming emotional rollercoaster.")
 

I was so embarrassed.  My husband dropped me off while he parked and I had to stop 3 times to rest before even making it to the front door.  I knew I was out of shape, but Jesus, this was ridiculous!  I want THIS out of shape!  It took me almost 20 minutes to walk from the car to the general surgery clinic.  I felt so exhausted and weak.  I would lose my breath, get dizzy and weak and would had to stop.  To put it in  perspective, it usually takes me about 5ish minutes to make that walk.

The first thing, sit back and wait for my husband and my surgeon to stop gossiping about sci-fi/fantasy novels. (to be fair...it was really cute) After they got that out of their system, I brought up the terrifying incident from the day before.  He approved me for slightly more carbs and also permitted me to eat, in VERY small doses, a certain particular bread, but I wasnt to go over a certain amount a day and I ONLY have this one particular bread.  Essentially, it would help balance the sugars a bit, but did NOTHING for the raw, excruciating hunger coursing through my body.  (PLEASE NOTE:  if you are reading this because you are considering or about to have surgery ...every case is unique and every doctor is different!!!  Please ONLY follow the guidelines put forth to you by YOUR Doctor and clinic!!  It's essential for your safety to do exactly as they say!!)
 

The second thing I asked about was the weakness.  He gave me a look that could ONLY have meant,"SERIOUSLY?!  Are you a moron?!"  His actual response to me was,"Uh, yeah.  What did you expect!  You haven't eaten in 2 days.  Your body is hungry!"
 

Reassured that I seriously didn't get out of shape overnight, we headed to the supermarket to pick up some things for me to "eat" that week.  This is where things got ugly.  While walking down the milk aisle I see the most yummiest, glorious chocolate milk made..Promised Land.  I don't know if it's a Texas thing or a southern thing or what.  What I DO know is I've never seen it in Ohio and it's like liquid heaven mixed with rainbows mixed with unicorn magic.  I passed it by but it just kept calling my name in a way a suffering woman just can't ignore.  I went back and got a small one serving bottle of the low fat kind, rather than the glorious midnight chocolate melted milkshake kind I really wanted.  Rick approached.  I showed him and told him I got it and I had to have it.  He was so sweet and just asked if that was the right choice.  This is where it gets ugly folks.  I have NEVER heard this sound come out of me before and I've birthed 2 children and have chronic pain problems.  I growled at him.  Litterally.  A growl.  A growl from the bottom of the depths of my soul.  I sounded like a starving lion having a hunk of steak torn away from him.  It was such a unconscious reaction.  He threw the milk down, threw his hands up and I got a "chocolate milk.  Check.  In the cart."  Then I broke down into a huge sobbing, snotty cry fest in the corner of the milk aisle in his arms. My hormones were going nuts, my mind was lost, this was so new, I was so weak and tired, and good damn it..I was fucking STARVING!  Thank god for having The Best Husband Ever.  He just held me, talked me down and comforted me.  Home we went.  I chugged that chocolate milk in 2 seconds flat.
 

The rest of the week was hard.  You are hungry.  People would tell me "Oh, after the 3rd day it gets better and you don't feel hunger pains anymore."  They were kind and trying to help, but they were full of shit as far as I was concerned.  I had hunger pains up until about day 7 of 7.  I found the worst part was I was so sick of sweet.  Protein drinks, crystal light, jello, etc...its all sweet.  My saving grace came on day 5 when my mom made me a bowl of Lipton soup and just strained the noodles out.  I FELT like I was eating, at least mentally.  Hello also helped because I felt like I could chew which tricks the mind a bit.
 

 

 Yum! Jello!