Hurry up...

...and wait.

It was time to employ an army spouses greatest, but most loathed (and practiced) skill.  Waiting. 

I called twice in the first week, then once the next.  I was starting to lose hope after she said to me "oh.  You're the girl who went above me and demanded to speak to the surgeon."  She should have been happy I didn't go above her and talk to patient advocacy, in my opinion.

We were about to leave for Disney and Bella was still having on and off again fevers and was pretty sick (by this point she had missed almost all of school in November and December), and I was about to have my left hand carpal tunnel surgery done.  I just left it to fate, I had way too much on my plate at this point. 

Then one morning I woke up to a polka dotted Bella with another high fever.  Called the appointment line and once again, yay tri care, no appointments for almost 3 weeks. I was told "Take her to the ER if you can't wait that long."  Wonder why our ER wait times are so long...hmm  So that's just what I did.

We were in the Er about 8 hours when finally they came racing in to tell me to get her ready, they were transporting her for admittance at the local children's hospital.  Words no parent wants to hear.

She spent 4 days there where they ran every test under the sun to try to figure out what she had.  In the end, it was mono.  We signed out there and took me immediately to hand surgery.

My parents came down to help and it was wonderful to have them around.  The kids were so upset about missing the Disney trip, but there was no way for Bella to make it.  She was still spiking fevers constantly and just slept all the time.  She would have been cranky and would have missed the whole adventure.  Having my parents show up perked up their mood a bit. 

Still no phone call.

Then, on Christmas Adam (the 23rd, the day before Christmas Eve for those not in the know) my mom and I were going around Hobby Lobby and it came.  A slot opened up.  If I wanted it, my surgery would be on Jan 2.  Certainly a great way to spend the new year.   Pre-op diet would start on the 26th. 

Finally, my time had come!!! 

Living up to my family name.

Alrighty then, second half here we come...

So, if you've ever had the blessing of meeting ANY female on my Dad's side of the family you'll just nod your head with full understanding.  If you haven't, there are a few things you should know...1) we are a matriarchal family 2) you don't tell us no when we really want something and NOT expect a wickedly ugly fight ahead of you 3) we are stubborn beyond all reason.  (I get that from my Daddy-o too...in fact I get all of that from him too lol...)  So in other words, I have 3 (or more) generations of stubborn, will NOT take no for an answer, my way out the highway, coursing through my veins (you can imagine how fun Christmas dinner can be lmao)  so we'll say I had a little boost of May Kay and Joanna Grace rearing up inside. Poor head nurse.

I called her back after speaking to Walter Reed and asked to speak to the surgeon personally.  I explained to her I was approved by not JUST the psych eval but also my psych doctors!  She couldn't give two shits.  She fed me some line about policy (I had already called and verified that this was NOT in fact hospital policy)  I countered with this, she stumbled.  She countered with the surgeon was going on leave and would not be back until the Monday after Thanksgiving.  She would talk to him when he returned and would SEE if he would sit down and talk with me.  I thanked her sweetly (you catch more bees with honey after all) and I was nothing but sweet and demure (shut it people who know me..I CAN be demure..asses!) throughout our entire exchange the last few days.  She told me to call her the week after Thanksgiving to remind her.

So the day came...Nov 25th.

I was taking NO chances.  I gathered my evidence for the last 6 years proving that I have consistently, without lapse, been both in psychiatric and psychological (sometimes by 2 different docs at one time -marriage counseling, you can never have too much when it's free- in addition to personal counseling) as well as proof from the pharmacy that I refill all my meds consistently, and a note from all my psychs personally stating that I am consistent in care, responsible, and always call for med changes and make consistent appts, etc.  I grabbed my Nook, a bottle of water and prepared to hunker down for the long haul.  I was parking my ass in the general surgery clinic until I got at least an appt to talk to the surgeon.  You might not return my calls, but you can't ignore my smiling face :)

I arrived right as the clinic opened at 8:30.  When my number was called, I let them know my situation and who I was there to see.  They had the head nurse come out. I was told that they were short staffed, and she wouldn't have a chance to talk him until later. She would call me.  I smiled and gave her a huge thank you.  Then, I told her not to stress about calling. I would come up in the afternoon when things died down to save her the stress.  I walked out of the office at about 9:40.

About 10-15 minutes later, I got a phone call.  The surgeon could get me in at 10:00,  but I'd have to be there AT 10 because he didn't have a lot of time.  I assured her I would be on time.  She was shocked and reminded me that I'd have to be on time or else he couldn't see me.  I walked in the office 5 min early.  I have a sneaking suspicion that she was doing it to try and appease me by getting me the appointment, but she was thinking I'd never make it on time so I  wouldn't be seen.  Don't mess with me woman.

The doctor came in and sat down.  He looked over my file, looked up, and said, "Are you going to yell at me?"  I looked at him confusedly.  He answered, "Your psych eval says you are quick to anger.  Are you going to yell at me?"  I lightened up immediately!  I smiled and answered, "Are you going to cut me open?"  We made a pact: if he cut me open, I would agree not to yell at him.

We called the nurse to schedule the surgery.  The problem was that the only date available I couldn't do because of my trip to Disney World.  I wouldn't be able to go to my 2 week follow up, so it was a no-go.

I decided to go ahead and take the first available surgery in January.  She would call me as soon as the calendar came out and they had an open date available.  I won!  Health, here I come!!

Bumps in the Road

So with my surgery scheduled for mid-November I was excited and ready to go.  I continued support group meetings, kept up with research, and just kept talking to people to prepare myself. 

Then one day I got a phone call from the head nurse of surgery.  They had to cancel on the original date and reschedule it for the 26th of November.  I was concerned because I was supposed to go on a family vacation to Disney in mid December and I didn't want to have that interrupted (it was in the works for a long time).  I was assured by both the surgery team and my support group that that far along after surgery I would feel fine traveling.  So, okay, no worries. 

About 3 days after that I get a phone call again from the head nurse.  She informed me that upon review of my psych evaluation that I had bi-polar disorder (SHOCK! WHAT?!?!?  *eyeroll*)  I informed her that I was aware, I was diagnosed with it more than half my life ago at 14 or 15 and had been under treatment since and am well managed and my psychiatrist approved of the surgery and felt I was going to do great with it.  She pretty much gave me a "tough shit" and I was denied surgery.  My options were to go off post and have the bypass or the lap band or try to get Walter Reed Medical Center, 2 hours away in San Antonio, to perform the surgery. 

My first reaction was to throw shit around the house and scream bloody murder at the phone.  Then I got on the phone to Walter Reed and talked to their surgery center.  I was told if I wanted the surgery there I had to begin the entire process over again from the very beginning with getting a referral from one of THEIR doctors, then the seminar THERE, etc. etc.  Which meant driving to San Antonio back and forth being a one car family.  She said that even then, there was no guarantee THEIR psychologist would approve me OR their medical team would then approve me because of the bi-polar. 

I was so defeated.  It always seems as if I'm judged because of this thing I have no control over.  I was born with it.  It's a chemical imbalance, I can't stop me from being bi-polar anymore than someone with freckles can stop having freckles.  I have faithfully been in treatment for my disorder.  Especially so over the last 6 years.  I have seen 1-2 psychologists at a time at the very least once a month.  I have been on medication consistently for 6 years, always keeping all appointments and always calling when they started to seem off and needed adjusted. 

Approvals

So the process of being approved for surgery through my insurance is an extensive one.  (As it SHOULD be...this is fucking serious surgery!)  The steps required here are to go through an afternoon long seminar where you are able to speak to the nutritionist, surgeon, nurse, etc.  You find out about each of the 3 surgeries available.  What is involved in each surgery, how your body will change, what changes you need to make in lifestyle, what is required for you to be eligible for surgery, what to expect, and they can answer any questions you may have about the surgeries.  To be approved you also have to then pass a psychological evaluation and attend 2 support group meetings.

My seminar was supposed to be in August of 2013, but was pushed back until September.  So in the beginning of September I attended my seminar.   I had attended this back 3 years ago, so I had already decided which of the 3 surgeries I needed to have.  3 are available.  2, the Lap-Band and the Roux-En-Y,
are approved by my insurance (Tri-Care).  1, the Gastric Sleeve, is not.  However, they are willing to do it here on post, so you are able to still have the procedure done if approved.  I had to have Gastric Sleeve done due to my Bi-Polar disorder.  With the sleeve the surgeon goes in and cuts off 2/3 of your stomach leaving a small sleeve of stomach left to digest food.  Because of this, it still leaves part of my stomach for my psych meds to enter, digest, and work it's way through my blood stream.  The Roux-En-Y (commonly known as your standard Gastric ByPass) bypasses the stomach completely and re-routes just past it so it leaves nowhere for food (or meds) to digest long enough for my meds.  The Lap Band puts the band around the tube leading to the entrance of the stomach.  This too does not allow the meds to get to my stomach for digestion. 

I will say this.  The approval process is anxiety inducing and so terribly nerve wracking!  It's an emotional roller coaster, but if you go through and have the surgery your whole life is going to be shoved into an upheaval, you may as well start getting used to it now.

My psych eval was scheduled for mid-September.  I had already had that appointment made when they called me for the seminar in August.  They tear you apart.  Okay, MY Doctor tore me apart.  I wish all of them did this for patients, I've met a few who maybe shouldn't have been approved that were because Doctors weren't so hard in their psych evals.  It consisted of 3 separate appointments.  One to meet and talk about why I wanted the surgery, my knowledge of the surgery and the changes it would cause in my life (no, not the weight changes), he talked to me for probably a good hour and a half with a constant barrage of questions.  I left in tears thinking there was no way I was ever going to be approved.  (The Bi-Polar is a huge issue with this surgery, in fact ANY mental illness is...hence the psych eval)  The second appointment came a few weeks later.  I spent 3 or 4 hours in a little room answering questions on a computer until I couldn't remember which way was up or if I really played kick the can as a kid or that was a dream or what the hell IS kick the can anyway?  The third appointment was a few weeks after that in mid-October.

I was so sick with anxiety that day.  I was so nervous whether or not I was going to be approved.  I went into his office and he basically went through my whole entire computer session asking me more questions, asking for clarification, telling me things about myself that I already knew.  I can imagine for a lot of people this is a very either angry or eye opening experience.  A lot of people aren't blessed with the situation I am in.  I know, I know...bi-polar disorder is NOT a blessing.  In this case it is though.  I have been blessed in the fact that I have been in therapy for so long that I am able to take good, honest looks at myself and really see who I really am.  Faults and all.  He told me nothing I didn't already  know about myself or that, had he just asked, I could have told him that first day.  But for people who aren't in therapy for more than half their lives some of the findings can be shocking.  Some people are NOT going to like to hear the things that the test reveals, despite the fact that they are true!  LOL   In the end though I was approved.  Big red check of approval and the evaluation was going to be sent to my hospital and surgery team for their records.

The next day was another support group meeting and I was so excited to go in and tell everyone the good news.  Immediately after group I high tailed my butt up to the surgery clinic to make sure the report was faxed and to let the head nurse know that I was a go.  All boxes checked, all set and ready to slice!  I ended up arriving at the same time as another gal and we talked to the nurse together and she actually just ended up scheduling our surgeries on the spot!  She said she'd call to confirm when she got the evals but as long as that got to her inbox my surgery was scheduled for mid-November.   

It Begins!

Why the HELL does the hardest part of starting to write a blog have to finding a name for it!  THEN, finding a NEW name for it that hasn't already been taken?!  Makes me miss the 90's when no one used the internet so screen names were a dime a dozen.

More to the point now...and I will warn you, this blog is VERY personal so I don't give 2 shits about your opinions if they are ANY way negative whatsoever.  You can just shove your big toe in your mouth and kinda schwadle away, or something.

About 3 years ago I reached a point in my life where my health was rapidly declining.  I was diagnosed, officially, with Type 2 diabetes when I was pregnant with Bella (yes Type 2, not gestational.  I was gestational with Aidan, however.)  and I had been on a VERY high dose of several different diabetes medications, both oral and injected.  I was also on meds for high blood pressure and high cholesterol.  I was gaining weight rapidly since they had put me on the short acting insulin before each meal and by that time had almost gained 30 pounds in a matter of 10 months.

The doctors had all talked, and I had talked with all the other of my doctors and I was told unanimously that the insulin was going to make it damn near impossible to lose significant weight to make a difference on my health.  It was a vicious circle.  Insulin helped my blood sugars, packed on pounds, made blood pressure and cholesterol higher to control, made it harder to move around on my joints, gave me a lot of muscle problems, etc.  I would lose a few pounds, but it was so hard with the insulin.  (Just for reference, I had to take between 40-150 units of novolog before each meal) (it's a LOT...trust me).  They all recommended that if I wanted to lose weight, I should look into Surgical options.

I decided I would do some research.  I joined a few groups online, I went to the seminar, spent months attending the support group meetings (2x month), talked in person to upwards of 20-30 people I knew in my life who had gone through one form of the surgery or another, etc.  In the end I decided it wasn't for me.  It wasn't my time.  I didn't want to go through the trauma and risk of surgery when things weren't guaranteed to fix anything.  I was fine being fat.  My husband loved me.  My kids loved me.  I loved me.  And most of all my medications were working at controlling the problems at hand, despite the side effects.

Fast forward to March 2013.  Life hit a road block.  The sleeping trouble I was having hit a major bump.  Although, I don't know if "sleeping trouble" is the right way to put it.  I had NO TROUBLE sleeping.  In fact, I slept all the time.  In FACT, I couldn't stay awake...and that is where the trouble was.  It had been slowly getting worse and worse over the last few years.  Started with just needed more sleep than the average bear.  Then "Don't wake Mama before her 12 hours!" (yes, 12).  Then no driving at night because I'd fall asleep.  Then No driving at night and NEEDED a nap every afternoon.  Etc.  It had progressed to a point where I would just, BAM! Asleep.  Mid conversation, mid driving, mid phone call, mid WWE wrestling match on free beer night, didn't matter.  I feel so bad for my friends and family during this stage.  I promise STILL guys...none of you were boring me!!!  And I thank you ALL for your kindness, understanding, and love when I was going through this stage of life!!!!  I would deny falling asleep...after all, I was still even participating in conversations and knew what they were saying sometimes!  But they promised, I was snoring away.  5 hour energy drinks weren't working, Starbucks wasn't working, nothing.  So I went in to the Doctor and she got me a sleep study done right away.

The sleep study was done in March and it was scary.  The nurse was very kind, but still, someone watching you sleep is awkward, to say the least.  She got me hooked up and let me know that rarely do they do anything with CPAP masks or anything during the study unless someone is REALLY bad off after a good 5-6 hour study without it first so they could collect enough data to support it, usually that would be done at another study if the Doctor feels it's necessary to go on CPAP.  She wished me good night, assured me she wasn't going to be watching me all night ( LOL ) and let me snuggle in for the night.  Or...2 hours.  Because that's when she woke me up.  2 hours later.   She rushed in terrified.  The sleep study showed that I stop breathing more than 50 times an hour.  It also showed that when I fall asleep my Oxygen levels drop to below 60%.  She told me she was too afraid to let me continue without CPAP and put me on it immediately.  That next morning was the most glorious morning of all my life!  I had NEVER felt so refreshed and rejuvenated! (They say that night was the first night I had actually SLEPT in more than about 2 years.  I was never actually falling asleep...just unconscious!)

The next week (they upped the appt to an earlier date than originally scheduled) I went in to talk to the Doctor about my results.  He walked in, picked up my chart and his jaw hit the floor.  He never even got in a "Hello".  The first words that came out of his mouth were "How are you still alive?!"  and he wasn't being funny.  I had never been so terrified in my life.  He asked me my health history and I was told, at 32, that he was very suspect about the fact that I had never had a heart attack and wanted to verify that that was true.  Not "I want to check your heart", but that he didn't believe that I hadn't had a heart attack yet, I must have just not KNOWN I had one.

I had my heart test and I'm free and clear!  No heart attacks,  heart is healthy and good!  But I suck at the multi-tasking job of breathing while I sleep.

This was the moment that stopped time and changed my life forever.

I went in to my PCM and immediately had her put in that referral for Bariatric Surgery (WLS - or Weight Loss Surgery).  My dance card was full.  It was time to clear it off.

By this point I was on:

Oxygen at night for sleep
CPAP
Long acting insulin before each meal (at outrageous amounts)
Short acting insulin in the AM and in the PM (at 80 units each time)
Metformin (a diabetes pill) (a total of 7 500mg pills a day)
Januvia (another diabetes pill) (just one a day)
High blood pressure meds
High Cholesterol meds
Migraine meds

I was having joint and muscle problems, especially in my back and hip region
I had gained almost a total of 80 pounds in 3 years
I was fed up
My husband was TERRIFIED

This is where my journey began.  Way back in March of 2013.  I had made the final and difficult decision that I was, no doubt about it, having WLS.